What Mary and the Annunciation Teaches Us about Relationships
A Story For My Dearest, Shai
I have been in a romantic relationship for about a year and a half now with my beloved girlfriend Shai, and though it has been the best and most blessed experience of my life, working on this relationship has not been a ride in the park. Love necessitates work (a lot of it in fact), but as you work through a relationship, you also begin to see glimpses of how love works. Throughout this amazing journey I have always found myself finding love in the most strange and mundane of places, and strangely enough, I found a story that resonates deeply with mine: the acceptance of Mary of her role as the mother of Christ.
First, A Disclaimer
My brush with the story of the Annunciation is a new one. I have grown up as an evangelical Christian, and unlike her ubiquity among Catholics, Mary is rarely mentioned in our services and our theology. Moreover, a lot of these ideas are co-opted from Fr. James Martin’s Jesus: A Pilgrimage. A lot of credit in this work belongs to him. This piece, however, will be a parallel telling of Mary’s and my acceptance into the roles God has given us, and how it has made all the difference.
A Spark of the Divine
“In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin… named Mary. And he came to her and said, ‘Greeting, favored one! The Lord is with you.” — Luke 1:26–28
Every relationship starts with a spark of the divine. A mutual longing for companionship, a shared hobby or fear, an attachment that slowly creeps its way into and wraps your soul. For Mary, however, it was an actual spark of something divine.
Luke tells us that an angel appears in front of Mary bearing these words for her, but he fails to tell us the exact circumstances of the event. Did the angel come in a flash of blinding light, or did it appear in a form familiar to Mary, perhaps like an old man or a young messenger? Did it come with a booming voice of urgency, or did the angel’s words sound like heavenly music? When we imagine Mary’s first encounter, we might think of different scenes in mind, and for each of us, our encounter with the divine will be unique to our own.
Mine came in the form of a match in a chat website. I was a graduating student then, finally free of academic burden and excited to make the most of my remaining days. Without much thought, I went on the site and started matching with people, until I eventually ended up with a UP student with a passion on her thesis. A few questions led to more, and to cut the story short, my future girlfriend and I became fast friends (or more?), and we planned our first date out. The divine has shown its spark.
But back to Mary. Luke tells us that upon this vision, Mary was “perplexed and pondered on what sort of greeting this may be.” Mary reminds us that the natural response to the divine is fear and confusion. For us, this might come in the form of a fear of commitment, traces of past hurt and trauma, or uncertainty for what may come ahead. To that, the angel replies “Do not be afraid.”
My first date started great. We had amazing pizza, shopped some books for me and a new purse for her. To end our day, we decided to watch a movie together, but this was my first romantic date ever, and though I tried my best to keep myself together, my gut churned with a swarm of butterflies. I was afraid, and despite the full blast of air conditioning I found myself sweating profusely. But through a miracle, I found myself slightly leaning on my date’s shoulder, and by the end of the movie we were laughing and smiling like our lips were stitched on its end. “Do not be afraid,” the angel said, “for you have found favor in the Lord.”
Doubts, Fears, and an Invitation to Say Yes
“Then Mary said, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’” — Luke 1:38a
How do you respond when someone tells you “you have found favor in the Lord” and that through you, something miraculous will happen? Perhaps your initial reaction is to get stunned and, probably like Mary, ask the big question: “Me? Really?” Perhaps feelings of insecurity and uncertainty begin to surface. Mary, after all, was a poor female Jew living in a small town on the outskirts of the Roman Empire. How could God find any favor in her?
I’ve always had trouble with my insecurities. I was a nerdy, pimply kid who never had much experience with the opposite sex, and now I’m thrust into this whirlwind of emotion. A few dates in and I found myself sinking deeper and deeper, and yet I still don’t want to let go of my hold on my singleness. I was pretty sure that once I let go, I’ll make a mess of everything, and we’ll all end up with broken hearts and broken spirits.
In response to this, the angel reminds Mary that her aged cousin Elizabeth was also pregnant. In times of doubt, God often reminds us of what He can do, and that miracles will happen if we only let him.
My miracle happened somewhere in the middle of our courtship. I have sinned gravely against my girlfriend, and we have began to drift apart for months. I knew that bridge has been burnt to a crisp by now, and I sent one final message as a farewell. Strangely, we decided to meet one more time on a runaway night in the middle of finals week atop Jack’s Ridge, and in what seemed to be an impossibility, she forgave me. I have never felt the hand of God closer than that moment, that sheer power to forgive and love someone that has not even the tiniest bit of leverage, and at that moment I knew I had to make her my partner in this journey.
And so, given new confidence in God’s almighty power, with all conviction in her heart, Mary says yes to God’s call. Two thousand years later, so will a graduating engineering student.
The Long Stretch
“Then the angel departed from her.” — Luke 1:38b
The thing about love stories I hate the most is that they never tell you what happens after the final kiss. Once the loose ends are tied up neatly into a cute little bow, they often end with a happily ever after.
Mary must have realized early on that it doesn’t work like that. When talking about the Annunciation, we often forget the most important part: then the angel departed her. After a moment of divine spark, Mary is left alone with nothing but a baby and a conviction of her vision. For the first few years, the fires in her heart must have burned with conviction, carrying her through the rigors of telling her husband, the tiring travels across the desert, the birth in the manger and the gifts of the wise men.
But as Jesus began to grow as a normal boy, learning his first few steps, saying his first words, learning his father’s craft, Mary would have no other sign of Jesus’ divinity. Her memories of the angel appearing upon her must have began to fade away in her mind. While sitting beside the window, watching Jesus saw trees and shave wood, doubts must have begun creeping on Mary’s thoughts. Is my child really the Savior of this World?
Ever since my girlfriend said yes to me, too, we have been in a long distance relationship. When we began, I was pretty sure things are gonna go smoothly. In this age of technology, it seems there’s nothing a video call can’t fix. But then the schedules tightened. I reviewed and took my board exams then entered graduate school, Shai began to work and then followed me in taking our masters. Soon, the long nights of mindless talk began to transition to tuition fees and class schedules. We even had to schedule our time to chat and call. Like Mary, doubts began to run through my mind.
Mary found her answer time and time again: at the ministry, at the miracles, and ultimately at the cross and the empty grave. I find my answers in the slivers of calls we get from time to time, in the tightly scheduled and heavily planned dates, and ultimately I know I’ll find my ultimate answer at the front of the altar. For now, first comes faith, trust, and conviction.
